frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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