If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
