Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
