Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
