I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
