Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
