are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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