Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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