She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
