Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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