If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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