wanna go halves on a baby?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
