Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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