I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
not ubering you a puppy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
