I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
