We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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