My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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