Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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