I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
