people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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