Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
