I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
