why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
