Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
