U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
