Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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