You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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