chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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