i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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