Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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