It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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