His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
