hotel room ftw
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
