Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
