Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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