I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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