I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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