No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize