I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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