Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just tell him i said nine months
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
