just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck appropriateness.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
