why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
