He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
