True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
