They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
