i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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