you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
