In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
