I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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