You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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