"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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