Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
