college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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