Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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