I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she was petting her beer can
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
