i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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