Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
