last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
