I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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