Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
