people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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