2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
