you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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