at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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