If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
