apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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