On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
