I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
