my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
