I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
