Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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