do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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