hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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