Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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