He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize