We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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