I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
