I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
