On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize