How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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