he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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