Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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