I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
