u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize