U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
