I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
