Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
