Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
