He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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