So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
