Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
