He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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