Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
