he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
