READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she looked like the before picture.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
