just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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