dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
