well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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