sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize