Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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