Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
