Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
