so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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